


Are You Challenging Me?

by dragonnan



Category: Psych
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Real Events, Like This is Bizarrely True, See the Tags, Shawn Goes to Court, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 18:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7902772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonnan/pseuds/dragonnan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Channeling is a fine art.  And, possibly, a misdemeanor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Challenging Me?

**Docket:  
** 88 - 15

 **Citation:  
** 310 U.S. 113 (2008)

 **Appellant:  
** Vole

 **Appellee:  
** Spencer

 

**Case precedent cited: Judith Z. Knight v. Julie Ravel**

 

***

 

“State your full name for the record.”

“Shawn...  _Ahrumbhuhm_... Spencer.”

"Excuse me, could you please repeat that; without the mumbling?"

"Shawn... Henry Spencer."

Rustled papers carried over the muttered exchanges in the loaded courtroom.  The bemused gazes of his lackluster cheerleading section clearly proclaimed the places they’d rather be.  Actually - some of them had told him plainly where they’d rather be.  In the case of his best buddy, the statement had been punctuated by a punch in the arm.  As IF this was his fault!  Seriously, people do not intentionally go out to get sued!  Maybe **_file_** a lawsuit…  And for that matter, what soft-headed coffee in the crotch spiller sued a bloke barely raking in the bare minimum for rent?  Groceries were truly pathetic at this point, Pop tarts and Ramen making up the standard fare for the necessary three meals a day - augmented by the ever more increasing dad-mooch for his required protein intake.  And gas for his ride?  Yeah, there was a reason slap-happy Guster drove his ass everywhere.  _His_ employer shelled out the twice weekly ransom to the oil companies without a twitch.

“How long have you been consulting for the Santa Barbara police department Mr. Spencer?”

He tugged at the tie forced on him by one unexpectedly concerned junior detective - candy pink that faded to fuchsia.  An unmanlier color could not have been found in Rainbow Brite’s underwear drawer.  The wincing and surprisingly understanding look given by Head detective McGlare when he was fitted with the offense to testosterone was not lost on him - nor the snort and chuckle tag-team by the two men most unable to stand on a single limb when it came to all things guy.  Hello, Oilhead Guster and Bubbles Spencer?  That’s right - just shuffle back to row number three and paint your nails.  A true man can wear anything and grin. 

“Counting my years as a phone snitch… I’d say about ten.”

Boy, and it had seemed like he was off to a good start.

“Ten?  But according to the records we’ve obtained, your folder only goes back three years.”

His head nodded with deep understanding.  “Ah… you mean official employment…”

It wasn’t kidney stones that twisted the judge’s face this time - his less than even temperament grossly exacerbated by the grinning fool mocking judicial proceedings.  And was dear old dad hiding his face with shame or anxiety?

“Mr. Spencer, I’d like to remind you that you are under oath.  And so help me - you are not in the greatest standing with this court.  Be aware, I will not hesitate to lock you away for contempt for the maximum duration.  Is that understood?”

“Yes sir.”  Lay off the bullshit - got it.

Unamused eyes turned back to the crisply suited prosecutor carrying forth the second stage of questioning.

“During your employ as a so-called psychic detective… how often would you say you’ve channeled another…‘spirit’?”

Shawn raised his eyebrow - pursing his lips as he made a fair show of recall.  “Mmmm… I’d have to say about… thirty times.”

He glanced at his nails, wondering if another buffing was in order.  His pinky could definitely use some attention.

Phelps pushed into his line of sight - balding head glowing with a slight rosy sheen.

“And have you ever channeled a woman named Gloria Starks?”

Now Gus was rubbing his head - kneading away stress unfelt by the accused pouring himself a glass of water at the stand.  Studying the water, he fished out a minute piece of fuzz before taking a single sip.  Swallowing, he licked his lips and set down the glass.

“Nope.”

“YOU’RE LYING!”

Judge Leland pounded the gavel furiously while Shawn took another sip.

“Counsel, control your client!”

The short murmur thrumming through the audience rose and fell in a single wave.  Shawn sat back and waited out the clamor until uneven silence ruled once more.  But old Horace wasn’t finished yet.

“Phelps, I’m already one breath away from ending this circus here and now.  You have one warning!”

Chastised, the attorney tugged at his jacket, finishing off his small snit with a wiping hand across his shining dome.  “Yes your honor.”  He clipped sharply.  Pressing a handkerchief to his lips in a momentary pause, the man regained his composure and approached the stand once more.

“Mr. Spencer, we have it on record that you did, in fact, channel the late Miss Starks - a psychic event leading to the arrest and conviction of her killer, Wes Hildenbach.  Do you now deny this event?  Please remember, you are under oath.”

Shawn tapped his finger against the glass.  “I deny channeling Gloria Starks.  But the rest of it is true.”

Another retort was blooming on his accuser’s face, her fingers curling against the wood of the table.  Without allowing her the chance to spout off again, Phelps pressed on vehemently.

“So how do you explain the testimony of file clerk Bruce Donald who witnessed you in the midst of a… _possession_ … in Chief Vick’s office on the date in question?”

Shawn smoothed his tie again, the reflection of the bright material casting a warmish glow against the back of his hand.

“Mr. Donald was misinformed.”  He finally stated, leaning back.  “I wasn’t channeling Gloria Starks… I was channeling a cat,” he cleared his throat, tipping his head, “who was channeling Gloria Starks.”

Phelps blinked, the single hesitation giving him away. 

“But you…”  He brought himself back together, puffing air against the inside of his cheeks.

“Can anyone confirm your statement?”

Shawn breathed in… and smiled.

In his place in the courtroom, Lassiter could clearly be seen speaking with a look of almost illness.  "Oh… Good… God…"

Shawn leaned towards the microphone.  “Oh yes.”

 

***

 

Gus crossed his arms, one foot resting on the edge of the pulled out bottom drawer of his desk.

“I knew this would come back on you.”  He muttered in irritation.

Shawn tossed a paper ball in the air - tilted back and facing the ceiling with his feet propped on his blotter.  “What are you complaining about - they dropped the suit.”  He replied distractedly, catching the ball only to toss it up once more.

“I’m just saying,” continued his friend, “you should be more careful.”

Shawn finally snorted, changing his aim to pitch the ball towards the hoops trashcan.

“Yeah.  You never know when someone will sue for the exclusive rights to channel a dead person again.”

Then he laughed.  “Seriously though, it was totally worth it to have Lassie vouch for me!”

Gus finally smiled then too.  “Never challenge a fake psychic.”

Shawn crumpled another paper ball.  “Damn straight.”

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, this has actually happened before:
> 
> June 12, 1997Vienna, Austria -- Without questioning the existence of the supernatural, Austria's highest court has ruled that American Judy Z. Knight, of Yelm, Washington, is the only medium allowed to make contact with a 35,000-year-old ghost. The ruling followed a lengthy legal battle between Knight and Julie Ravel, a spiritual medium from Berlin.Knight filed a lawsuit in 1992 after Ravel said she was making contact with Ramtha, said to have been a powerful leader on the sunken continent Atlantis. Knight won her lawsuit in lower courts and attorneys for Ravel appealed to the Austrian Supreme Court. In its ruling, the court said Knight offers certain "transcendental inspirations attributed to Ramtha." The judges thus issued a cease-and-desist order against Ravel. However, Klinger explained that the ruling was only valid inside Austria


End file.
